by Robert Skoglund aka the humble Farmer
Coastal Journal contributor
To Ye Editor:
Over 100 years ago J. C. Lincoln wrote books about the seafaring people who lived on Cape Cod. One church-going man who swore every other word said he got in the habit of swearing when he was first mate on a fishing schooner. For many years he had handled frozen cod line in January and said that although he’d tried milder words he couldn’t seem to get no comfort out of them.
This came to mind one Sunday morning when a preacher came on television and delivered a message. Because he was a Maine preacher and didn’t shout I couldn’t seem to get no comfort out of him. This is probably because Elmer Gantry is one of my heroes. And because I’ve always admired the style of Elmer Gantry, I derive great pleasure watching the wide assortment of preachers from way down south that seem to be on every other channel nowadays.
You remember that good old time preacher Jim Bakker who stole all the money from little old ladies and spent years in jail alongside of that other American icon, Lyndon LaRouche. You might remember that Jerry Falwell was more than a bit annoyed when Jim Bakker went to jail because --- when word got out what they were doing with all that money, the contributions from little old ladies fell off drastically.
Anyway, when you turn on your television today you can tell which ones are real preachers who guarantee deliverance because --- if you will sit down right this minute and write them a check for $41 or $410 or more --- if you can afford it --- they will send you a book that explains in detail why the end, that has been promised for almost 2,000 years, really is near.
No, I couldn’t seem to get no comfort from that Maine preacher who was on there that Sunday morning. You want to grab my attention and earn my respect as a bona fide representative of God, you’d better whine and beg me to send you money.
The humble Farmer
The humble Farmer can be heard on WMPG 90.9 FM at 2 p.m. Tuesdays